Nursing Home Admission Scenario Number Two

The first scenario involved admission to a nursing home because of an unexpected medical condition that made such an admission a necessity. [This seems a bit repetitive; this may not be necessary.] Our next scenario is a planned admission. This is the hard part.

You may have noticed some subtle changes in your loved one's behavior, nothing too bizarre or dangerous, but changes that cannot be ignored. For example, there may be evidence of some minor forgetfulness, perhaps personal hygiene has diminished, hair is not washed, there's body odor, fingernails are uncut, never polished, or just dirty.

Maybe your loved one is showing signs of short temper or aggression, striking out at you or others. You may have noticed visible weight loss or bruises on his or her arms and legs. A neighbor may have called you at work to inform you about finding your loved one roaming the streets.

Until recently, your loved one may have been an immaculate housekeeper or always well dressed. His or her mail may now be piling up unopened, or there may be an unusual number of packages arriving from QVC. His or her checkbook may have far too many checks written to unknown agencies or lotteries from overseas. His or her car, formerly in good condition, may have unexplained dings and dents or the police department may have taken his or her driver's license. By now, perhaps you have your own additions to scenario number two.

So, what do you do? First, I suggest that you keep a journal as these things begin to happen. Make sure to record the date and time of each event. At some point, your level of comfort with your loved one being alone or with your ability to provide care will reach its limit. Because you've recorded the events in detail your physician or other caregiver will be in a better position to make an appropriate recommendation for the benefit of your loved one. Some of the options may be adult day care, home health care, or a companion.

You may have wonderful memories of your loved one being healthy, vibrant, active, and engaging, but that is not what you are seeing and experiencing now. You are determined to do anything necessary to avoid nursing home placement and to provide the care required, but there is a danger in that.

The danger is that many times the caregiver's health and financial resources fail. In some cases, the excessive energy required to care for a loved one results in the premature death of the caregiver or divorce of the adult child (usually the daughter) taking care of an ill, aging parent. You must not sacrifice your health, your family, or your financial resources to care for a loved one.

Two of your goals should be to protect your loved one from self-neglect and to improve his or her quality of life. That's why we are going to learn how to find a great nursing home.