How to Handle Emotional Abuse That Has Crushed Your Self Esteem

Q: How do you handle emotional abuse that has crushed your self-esteem? What if you suffered emotional abuse as a child? How do you cultivate a healthy self esteem? Is it possible? It seems that anything is possible if you want to change and improve your life.

A: An adult child of an alcoholic, emotional abuse was a part of my up bringing. When you're a child you don't understand why a parent would drink seven-days a week and abuse you. After all, parents are supposed to love, support, and guide you through life. Unfortunately, most parents were raised in an abusive family. If the cycle isn't broken, it continues into future generations. If you're in an abusive relationship, get out before too much damage is done. Remember, most abusers where abused.

How to Handle Emotional Abuse That Has Crushed Your Self Esteem

1. From childhood. If you suffered emotional abuse as a child, remember your parents did the best they could with the knowledge they had. If no one showed them the error of their ways, how could they change? This isn't to excuse their behavior, only to make you realize your parents were once children. How were they raised? What did they learn about love? If your parents weren't shown affection and love, how could or would they be able to show you? Also, simply believing that all women are nurturers is false. Your mom may not have been able to show or love you because she wasn't loved. The same goes for your father.

Forgive your parents because they did the best they could. You're an adult and can choose a different path. Know that you matter and are valuable. You can have a high sense of self esteem if it's what you want. Don't allow your childhood to keep you stuck in a 'victim' pattern. Break the cycle by recognizing your emotions and self-defeating patterns. Buy a journal and let all of your feelings out. Yell, scream, and shout at the top of your lungs if that feels better. You could also channel your emotions into art projects or work outs. Get all of the 'emotional poison' out of your system before it manifests as dis-ease in your body and mind.

2. From abusive relationships. If you're in an abusive relationship, get out now! You can't change your partner/spouse. Only they have the power to change. This may be difficult for you to read but it's the truth. Also, stop believing the lies you've been told. Remember, most abusers were abused. It's a horrible cycle that keeps repeating until stops its. Find the courage and strength within you to leave the relationship. If you have children, please get out. Most children would rather be from a broken home than be in home. Children learn from their parents' actions and words. What are your children learning from an abusive relationship? If you love your children, leave an unhealthy relationship and go to the nearest shelter or family member.

You may want to ask yourself "Why" you're staying (or stayed) in an abusive relationship. What did you get out of it? What did you learn from it? What part did you play in it? These questions are not meant to say you did something wrong, only to open your eyes as to "Why" you would stay with someone who didn't treat you well. Do you think you deserve love and respect? If not, why not? While painful, a little self-examination goes a long way. It won't be easy at first, but the sooner you learn and recognize self-sabotaging patterns, the faster you can break them and live a happy and healthy life.

Therapy can help

There are all types of therapy from art to spiritual and everything in between. Find what works best for you. You may be weary of speaking to a stranger about your emotional abuse, but you'll feel better once you release all of the emotions you've kept inside. Research therapists and ask questions. Listen to your intuition and select a therapist that 'feels' right to you.

No matter if you suffered emotional abuse as a child or in adulthood, you can cultivate a healthy self-esteem. However, only you have the power to increase and release your self-esteem. You won't get it from a pill or from people. Self-esteem is inside of you and it's up to you to grab a hold of and nurture it. It may not happen overnight but with steady work and perseverance, you can have a high self-esteem. It's your choice.