Therapeutic Lies: An Effective Tool to Lessen Anxiety and Ensure the Safety of Older Adults

As an elder care consultant, there are times that I must resort to telling lies. Why? Because I have to ensure the safety of some of the older adults I help, while lessening the anxiety of other seniors. This is especially true of those with dementia. My lies are called "fiblets" or "therapeutic lies." "Thera" means to help. And that is the express purpose of these lies. Let me tell you about three of them.

Fiblet #1. Janet had one brother who lived in England. He died about ten years ago. Janet has dementia. She had forgotten her brother had passed away. She asked if I would call him, maybe he would come and visit her. Would I tell her that her brother passed away ten years ago and cause her the pain of hearing this "for the first time?" Of course not. I told her Hans was on a business trip and would call once he returned. She took comfort in my answer and looked forward to his call.

Fiblet #2. Patricia had married at age 17. Her husband was considerably older and had taken care of everything. He died suddenly. Her daughter contacted me shortly after his death. "Would you please teach my mother how to pay her bills? She can never know that I am paying you to do this." So we decided to tell Patricia Medicare was paying for my services (Medicare does not). I met with Patricia three times. She was starting to get the hang of things and was so proud of herself, that she started telling her friends about this free Medicare service. Fiblet goes frightfully wrong! What was I going to say? The story had a bittersweet ending. Patricia died seven weeks after her husband, but with the new confidence that she could pay her own bills.

Fiblet #3. Pauline had not left her home in over a year. With dementia, she felt safest in her apartment. Her brother consulted with me. How do I get my sister to move into an assisted living facility? The following fiblet was successfully brought to fruition. A letter was formulated to Pauline by moi, informing her there was a gas leak in the apartment house and that all tenants had to temporarily evacuate and would be housed in a local hotel, free of charge, until the condition was rectified. As the elder care consultant, I was assisted by personnel from the assisted living residence. On the designated day, they picked up Pauline and brought her to the "hotel."

Truth. Within weeks Pauline got herself a boyfriend. She lived at the residence for over three years, never once asking when that gas leak would be repaired.