One of the most common comments I hear, when an adult child becomes the caregiver to their senior parent is, I wish I would have known how hard it would be. If you are considering moving your mom or dad in to live with you, you'll need to really explore why you're doing it and whether you can keep the responsibility from becoming a burden. There are several questions you should consider before you agree to become a senior caregiver.
What type of resources do you have at home? You'll want an extensive support network to help you through the trials of care giving. Also be sure you have the time to commit to your mom. If you work full time, attend school or are raising young children it's unlikely you'll be able to handle the responsibility long-term without hitting burnout. Becoming a senior caregiver will affect every aspect of your life, so be sure to assemble resources to help you. Those resources might be hiring a housekeeper, in home non-medical assistance, or finding a place for mom to go for respite care. And always schedule time away from the house, for your own mental reprieve.
Is everyone that lives in the home supportive and capable of assuming the responsibility of caretaking if you can't be available? The dynamics of your immediate family and your relationship with them will change after your dad moves in. In an ideal situation your family will come together and share the responsibility, like helping to prepare dinners or reminding dad to take medications. However if someone in the house is hesitant or resentful for any additional duties it will make your ability to manage long-term, much more difficult. If you are sure about taking on the caregiver responsibilities for your dad, make sure that it's not at the cost of your immediate relationships, especially those with your spouse and children.
Do their medical needs require more than you are equipped to deal with? If mom needs help with daily living activities like dressing, bathing, transferring into a wheel chair, or she is experiencing incontinence, it might be more than you can physically handle. Mom may require 24 hour care in the future, if you move her into your home, ask yourself if you capable of handling the schedule then ask how long you can handle it. With today's medical advancements, seniors can often live for years needing 24 hour care. In addition, if your mom has advanced stages of Alzheimer's or dementia, providing care at home may not be the safest option.
Why do I want mom or dad to live with me? Don't move your dad in with the impression that it will be like having a roommate, because eventually you will have to assume the role of a senior caregiver. You'll want to move your dad in for the right reasons. When you are trying to make your decision, consider the emotional, financial, and long-term ramifications of this move. You should never take on the responsibility out of guilt alone; you may end up spending the time you have left with your dad being resentful instead of creating lasting memories.
Are you emotionally ready to become a caregiver for your parent? Watching our parents age is emotional; being part of their every day caretaking is much harder to experience. Be prepared for your relationship with your mom to change, when living together you may fall into your old parent-child relationship. Feelings from your childhood, especially those unresolved, will resurface. In addition, you need to be prepared to parent your parent. You'll be required to make and enforce decisions for your mom, especially if your mom suffers from Alzheimer's or dementia. Being a senior caregiver can be emotionally and physically draining.
What is your long term plan if you find being a caregiver is more challenging than you anticipated? Every good plan requires an exit strategy. Before you agree to have dad live with you, make sure you discuss an alternative living arrangement if you can no longer handle the level of care necessary. Also know when enough is enough, if you start experiencing caregiver burnout, your relationships with family and friends are suffering, and your health has been negatively affected, it might be time to consider the next long-term care plan for dad. That plan may include hiring an in home assistant, adult daycare or even moving them into an assisted living home or a nursing home.
These questions weren't meant to persuade you from becoming a senior caregiver for your parents, rather they are meant to encourage extra considerations for the responsibility.
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