When Alzheimer's Turns Abusive

There are secrets within the ranks of the Alzheimer's community that remain closed to the general public. While some memory loss is normal as we age, the initial symptoms of Alzheimer's can be deceiving and even go unnoticed. The perplexing aspect of this disease manifests itself in extremes ranging from lucidity to paranoia and total irrational behavior. In the majority of cases, the spouse is the first to recognize strange and unusual conduct. Over a period of time, these "odd" behaviors can become habitual and out of control. It is not out of the ordinary for Alzheimer's patients to hallucinate and see or hear images that are not there. The spouse or partner is often falsely accused of infidelity, or even worse attempting to inflict bodily harm. Yet the silence is deafening as the loved one endures such indignities out of loyalty, sympathy, and guilt. Why? Perhaps the best explanation goes back to the age old expression that love is indeed blind. After years of shared experiences such as child rearing, sharing finances, and growing old together - it is difficult to witness a loved one lose cognitive function. Even when that loved one becomes violent, which does happen more than reported, the state of denial is so powerful that many families continue to deny the obvious. Admitting a loved one to an assisted living facility or nursing home is a major step that a lot of family members simply aren't willing to take from an emotional or psychological standpoint. We must also factor in the financial component and its role in making this all important decision.

Going back to the abuse that takes place within marriages, and families in general, it is prudent to recognize this is a knife that cuts both ways. Caretakers come in many shades and that includes abusers. There are situations in which the individual diagnosed with Alzheimer's is being abused by a spouse, another family member, or some other party. This abuse comes in many forms including physical, verbal, emotional, and abuse of financial resources. It may occur for a brief period of time or continue for years without going detected. In fact, most cases of abuse are reported by a person outside of the family such as a social worker, doctor, or even a neighbor. When a person has Alzheimer's they may lack the ability to discern what behaviors are appropriate and those which are not acceptable. If physical abuse is involved, Alzheimer's patients may not understand why they are the subject of pain and discomfort. In extreme cases, they may not recognize the spouse or family member inflicting the pain and may equate the abuse with a painful experience in the past. As society continues to grow older and more susceptible, awareness of abuse and related issues are critical in our understanding of Alzheimer's and other forms of dementia.