Preparing to Take Care of Parents

My siblings and I were not use to making decisions involving our parents. My mother always knew what to do and when to do it. However, here we were, my mother was ill and not able to make decisions anymore and now we were responsible for taking care of my mother and father. This role reversal was a rude awakening.

Here are suggestions to assist you if you are in the position of being your parent's caregiver:

Signing over their health decisions
My brother and I spoke about the importance of getting our parents to sign agreements to let us make the health decisions in their lives. This means we would be responsible for "pulling the plug", putting them in a hospital or assisted living facility or rehabilitation center, etc. The enormity of these decisions for us was overwhelming.

Fortunately, my brother is a tax and estate planning attorney and created the documents we needed. It is very important that anyone who is put in the position of taking care of their elderly parents hire an attorney that they trust and that can explain the ramifications of what they are having their parents sign.

Taking care of their monetary affairs
It was decided that I would take care of paying my parents bills and keep up their bank accounts. It is essential for you and your siblings to agree that one person should take care of your parents' money. It just makes things simpler if one person does it. I kept my brother and sister apprised of the monetary affairs and felt trusted.

If you are an only child and are not comfortable with taking care of your parents' bank accounts and bills, find a friend or bookkeeper you can trust.

Taking care of their nutritional needs
I never thought that I would have to decide what my parents would eat. I would go to the grocery store every Saturday and shop for their foodstuffs. Sometimes my brother and sister-in-law would take meals over to my parents' home. Sometimes I would take them out to eat.

The time I spent in either taking them out to eat or in choosing what foods they would eat is special to me. I took great care in choosing the exact foods that I knew my mother would approve of. And of course going to restaurants reminded me of when they use to take me and my siblings to restaurants every Sunday while we were growing up.

Spending quality time with your parents while they are alive will help your pain after they have passed.

Caregivers
Luckily, we found caregivers who were very caring toward my parents. If you hire people to take care of your parents, you must be careful. There are people who take advantage of the elderly, whether they steal their money or mistreat them. Take your time in interviewing caregivers and get as many references as you can.

Choosing an Assisted Living Facility
The time came when we had to choose other living arrangements for my father. His dementia was getting worse. Caregivers could not handle his moods and strange reactions to things. One of the hardest days for my brother and I was moving him to an assisted living facility. The move wasn't difficult for him, but very difficult for us. He had dementia so it didn't really matter where he lived.

In choosing a facility, make certain that the aides and nurses are of the caliber you desire, that the food is cooked to your liking, that the beds are changed daily, that your parent's personal hygiene is attended to and that you can visit unannounced.

My parents took such good care of me and my siblings. They deserved the very best at this time in their lives. Perhaps you think that your parents would not have made the same choices you made for them, but never, never second guess yourself. You make the best decisions you can with the information you have at hand.