Whether you're still caring for an aging parent or your dependent parents have already passed away, it's important to recognize what grief looks like and how to incorporate strategies to help you through the process.
Although there are different grief models, many experts say the grieving process generally has 5 stages.
1. Denial - This is the muscle that gets a person through the initial loss. If you've been struggling with elder care solutions as you've been caring for an aging parent or have just lost dependent parents, you might find yourself saying things like, "This makes no sense!" or "This can't be my life!" During denial, it's common for caregivers to go numb. In fact, other family and friends might view the children of aging parents as being cold or detached.
2. Anger - This stage, a necessary part of the grieving process, is the surfacing of deep emotions, including feelings of desertion and abandonment. Caregivers might be angry that they couldn't do more to help the ailing parent or they could be angry at a sibling who wasn't around. As a caregiver for the elderly, you might feel anger that the last 5 years of your life were consumed with caring for aging parents. This is especially true if you had a difficult time finding the right elder care solutions. These feelings are normal, and nothing to be ashamed of.
3. Bargaining - After a loved one has passed away, those caring for an aging parent might find themselves bargaining with a higher power. Those who've just spent years struggling through elder care solutions may find themselves saying, "If I get my act together, will you bring Dad back?"
4. Depression - During this stage, those who'd been charged with elder care solutions might still feel sadness or anger, but the emotions become buried under a feeling of numbness. This stage is not a symptom of mental illness; rather it's a symptom of the realization that an elderly parent isn't getting any better or has already passed away.
5. Acceptance - Although this is the final stage of the grieving process, it is not the "everything is hunky-dory" stage. Rather it's a time to accept the new reality. Those who have been caring for an aging parent might still have sadness or anger, but the emotions might not be as raw as they were.
While these stages are well-known, caregivers might also experience another emotion: relief. Whether it's the peace of knowing Dad is no longer suffering or the relief that a certain level of freedom is coming back into your life, recognize that it is a completely natural emotion if you've been caring for an aging parent and struggled with elder care solutions over a long period.
As you and other family members move through the grieving process, there are things you can do that-while they won't take away the pain of the loss-can bring a measure of comfort and joy.
1. Create a tribute to your parent. If your family has been caring for an aging parent, make this a family project. For example, assemble Mom's yummiest recipes into a book to give to family and friends during the holidays. Ask kids in the family to create artwork to surround the recipes. Tech-savvy members can scan photos to add to the pages. Your local copy shop or online printers can produce the book at reasonable prices.
2. If family and friends span the country, create an online tribute. Family members can collaborate to create a free blog or a low-cost website, where you can upload photos, videos, and journal entries. You might be surprised at how easy it is to maintain a blog or website, but don't hesitate to ask for help if you think it's over your head.
3. Find support from others who were charged with elder care solutions. Local hospitals or hospice centers may host support groups for grieving caregivers or other family members. Support groups can be especially helpful as your pass milestones, such as Mom's birthday or the first anniversary of her passing.
4. Turn grief into action. If you were caring for aging parents who had a houseful of furry friends, volunteer at an animal shelter once a month; raise money to research the disease Dad lived with; use part of an inheritance to set up a scholarship in Mom's hometown. Not sure how to help? Brainstorm with the family to find a fun and purposeful activity you can all participate in.
For children of aging parents, the grieving process is inevitable, regardless of whether it starts when Mom moved in with you or in the days after her death. Allow yourself to move through the stages of grief as well as find activities that bring you and your family the comfort and joy you deserve.
No comments:
Post a Comment