Coping With the Burden of Caring for a Senior

Greater longevity of life and rising nursing facility costs are forcing many into elder care situations they aren't prepared to deal with. After all, it's a tough job, it often involves living with another adult which changes the lifestyles of both, and it entails making critical decisions about a loved one's health and care. No matter how much you love your parents, it's going to add more burdens onto your already-overtaxed shoulders in order to care for them in old age. In some cases this situation works out well; however, for many, it can seem like the straw that's breaking the camel's back unless they learn some coping strategies to help them.

Don't be afraid to ask for help. This doesn't mean trying to dump the burden onto someone else, but it's not a sign of weakness to ask another friend or relative to stay with Mom for awhile in order for you to take a little time off to indulge yourself. If you don't ask any one individual to do this very often, they'll be glad to help, and you'll feel much more energized and ready to go on.

Be sure to keep in touch with your loved one's medical caregivers. Know exactly what he or she is able to do and what they should be doing for themselves. Some seniors will try and do more than they should just because it's what they've done all their lives. Others, though, will try and take advantage of the situation by wanting you to do more and more for them. Years ago my grandmother lived with my parents. When it got to the point that Grandma was expecting my mother to lift her in and out of the tub and attend to her other personal needs, Mother had to insist that Grandma be put into a nursing facility. Mother was damaging her own health trying to care for Grandma, and that wasn't the best case scenario for either of them, especially since Grandma could have done the things herself.

Try to find appropriate activities for your loved one to participate in order to keep them occupied. If there is a senior citizen's center in your community, check into the types of activities they offer. Even if he or she objects to going at first, as soon as they begin making friends and enjoying themselves again, the objections will cease. Remember, though, that this isn't adult day care. You can't expect the center staff to shoulder nursing tasks or to become full-time caregivers. Talk to the person about what he or she likes to do if you don't already know, and supply them with materials so that they can work on hobbies they enjoy.