Sex is a con game; and a pro game. It's about pros and cons, for and against, the upside, and the downside. There are two sides to everything and sex is no exception. In fact, sex is perhaps the quintessential representation of duality, of polarities, of opposites. Positive and negative poles of an electric current are polarities. Attraction and repulsion are the two poles of a magnetic field. We can be highly attracted to the opposite sex; and, we can be highly repulsed as well.
Sexual attraction is based on a variety of complexities some of which are psychological, i.e., cognitive and emotional, and some of which are biological and chemical. A fair amount of sexual attraction is based on smell. The body emits hormones, called pheromones, which can be smelled, though often not consciously registered. In some cases these pheromones are an attractant, in other cases a repellent. Biologically, there is a fundamental drive to perpetuate the species and sexual attractions, at the biological level, take into account fundamental criteria geared to that drive such as fitness, adaptability to the environment, genetic predispositions, etc., some of which is gauged by smell. These elements are ascertained almost instinctively, sub-consciously.
At the biological level, based on the perpetuation of the species, women have a much more active sexual drive than men. A man can have sexual intercourse with a woman, ejaculate, with the intention of fertilization, and after which, generally speaking, his sex drive is low. A woman, though she may have climaxed, could easily have another sexual encounter with another man fairly soon afterwards. This works in favor of species perpetuation in which the impetus is to become impregnated and the more opportunities for impregnation, the better. On a cognitive and emotional level, i.e., a psychological level, it is a very different story. Here is where issues of connection, attachment and bonding become dominant and which have a role to play in child rearing. Species perpetuation is not exclusively about reproduction. It is also about nurturing and sustaining that which is reproduced, which is the offspring, the child. Women are particularly good at this, if not exclusively qualified, especially during the first years when nursing occurs. However, having a mate to help, helps, a lot. But, before all that happens, a man and a woman must first get together, sexually.
Men and women usually get together sexually based not just on 'urges' but erotic love as well, which combines the psychological needs for connection, attachment and bonding, and the biological drives of species perpetuation. These two energies combined tend to generate what we typically call a romantic relationship. Romantic relationships can be quite blissful; however, they can also be agonizingly tormenting. Romantic relationships are fueled and held together by sex. If the sex wanes, the romantic relationship would fall apart. When the sex is good, the relationship flourishes. Although women, as stated previously, have a higher sexual capacity than men, due to the biological imperative of species perpetuation, there is a religious-based guilt and shame conjoined. Women's sexuality has been distorted and repressed, and at the same time, displaced outward onto men. Men have accepted and internalized this displacement. Men are viewed as having an insatiable sex drive. All men think about is sex. And women don't? This is not to say that men don't have organic-based, animalistic drives to perpetuate the species, for they do. In men it takes the form of frequent ejaculations of semen. Semen, of course, is an absolute essential for impregnation so it works to the female advantage that there's a lot of it all around and not difficult to obtain.
Clearly sex is an incredible motivator, for both genders, used extensively and excessively in marketing and advertisement. One of the key ingredients in these advertisements is "attract-ability, i.e., one's ability to attract.? Although both men and women desire to be attractive, women go to greater lengths to achieve that end.? Feminine cosmetics, particularly perfumes, which are based on the principle of pheromones as an attractant, is a large, profitable industry. Women strive to not only look attractive, but to look 'sexy' as well; and, men respond accordingly, further reinforcing the collective perception that all men think about is sex. Men think about sex because women look sexy. It's a con game.
The underlying motivation for women wanting to look sexy and attractive is not nearly as much for biological perpetuation of the species as it is for psychological, i.e., cognitive and emotional, connection, attachment and bonding. Women today, in most western cultures, have much more choices about bearing children and child rearing. Contraception and artificial insemination has transformed the reason for and meaning of sex. Women are becoming less sexually repressed and more sexually active for the psychological needs it provides. Cognitive and emotional connection, attachment and bonding are to psychological sex what genital contact is to physical sex. There are pleasures (and pains) in both. Women value psychological sex. The cognitive and emotional connection, attachment and bonding is far more lasting than the physical sex. Women like to look physically sexy to attract that psychological connection, attachment and bonding into their lives. Certainly, physical sex is a gateway to that, but is not the end goal. Men, typically, are less adept at the psychological component and are responding to women's enhanced sexual consciousness with performance anxieties and a burgeoning market for 'male enhancement' drugs. It's another con game.
Psychological sex can be replete with con games. Power and control issues, possessiveness, jealousy, passive-aggressive behaviors and violence are but a few of the dynamics that occur because of sex. Although these con games are acted out physically, they originate in the psyche, i.e., in cognitions and emotions. The idea of cognitive sex, or emotional sex, might appear novel; yet the interaction of polarities, of opposites, which is a basis of sex, does take place in the psyche, and amongst psyches. Psychological interaction is a give and take, an exchange of messages and behaviors amongst speakers and listeners, actors and observers. In close, intimate, psychological relationships, there is transference of cognitions and emotions, thoughts and feelings, almost like an exchange of fluids. There can be a sharing of history and experience from which dreams are conceived.
It is in the psyche, in the mind, where meaning resides. What 'sex' means, is made up in the mind. The sexual con games originate in the mind, not the body. What does sex mean to you??
What sex can come to mean is the pro game.
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