Alzheimer's and Parenting Your Parent: 10 Important Things You Need to Do When the Tables Are Turned

It is disheartening when the tables turn and you have to become the parent to the person who raised you - who guided you and taught you what you needed to know to become a successful adult. It's even more difficult if you had a troublesome relationship with your parent.

When your mother's or father's mind begins to decline you are suddenly cast in the role of being the parent. This role reversal feels uncomfortable at first, but it's something you will need to get used to. Your parenting duties are only going to become more extensive over time.

When people with Alzheimer's advance from one stage of the disease to the next, their abilities and behaviors typically decline in approximately the reverse order in which they gained them. Thus, they start out as fully competent adults then become mildly impaired. After that, as they continue to decline, they may function at the level of adolescents, then young children, then toddlers, and finally, infants.

The amount of parenting needed depends in part on the person's living arrangement. A parent living with an unimpaired spouse or living in an assisted living or long-term care facility will need less parenting than one living alone.

But regardless of where your mother or father lives, you still have to function as a parent in many ways, and the way you accomplish that changes as your parent's illness progresses from one level to the next.

The Ten Most Important Parenting Duties

There are numerous tasks and responsibilities you will have to assume when parenting your mother or father as their Alzheimer's advances, and in the early to middle stages, the 10 most important responsibilities include:

1. Ensuring that their basic needs are met, such as shelter, food, and clothing


2. Reassuring them that they are safe, a critical action


3. Getting them to stop driving when it's no longer safe for them to do so


4. Helping out with simple day-to-day activities such as shopping, cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, or reminding them to take their medications


5. Determining where they should live (i.e., in their home, with you or another relative, or in an assisted living or long-term care facility)


6. Arranging for social stimulation by having them spend time around other people


7. Providing entertainment and engaging them in activities that are appropriate for their stage of the disease


8. Handling their legal affairs


9. Managing their financial affairs


10. Making their health care decisions

The last three are especially needed for people in the middle stages of the disease.

For advice on providing entertainment you can find a list of 101 things to do with a person with Alzheimer's at http://www.alz.org/living_with_alzheimers_101_activities.asp.

It is common for people parenting their own parent to feel overwhelmed by the sheer number of tasks they have to do. If that happens, it is helpful to stop and remember all your parent did for you when you were growing up. When you realize you aren't doing any more for your mother or father than they did for you, you will probably be better able to accept your new role and responsibilities.