Are Your Nursing Assistants in the Know About Emotional Losses of the Elderly?

It's part of life. As people get older, they are forced to deal with a greater number of serious emotional losses. Do your nursing assistants have an understanding of the types of losses experienced by the elderly? Do your CNAs know how to help their elderly clients deal with those losses? Consider sharing the following information at your next CNA inservice meeting.

Emotional Losses of the Elderly

There's no way around it. Losses are painful and often sad. They represent an end to something-and this ending creates an emotional wound. This is especially true for the elderly who must endure a number of different emotional losses. For example:

• At age 65, Sarah Smith retires from her job. Even though this gives her more free time, she misses the daily contact with her former coworkers. A year later, Sarah's husband dies. His sudden death leaves her devastated...and in some financial trouble.


• During that same time, Sarah is diagnosed with both diabetes and hypertension. She also develops chronic back pain.


• On her 67th birthday, Sarah receives word that her sister has passed away. Three months later, Sarah's best friend dies from cancer.


• Six months later, her son decides that she should no longer live alone. He helps Sarah sell her house and moves her into an assisted living facility.


• To the staff at the facility, Sarah seems like a grumpy, forgetful woman who keeps to herself and seems impossible to please. No one is very fond of her. But look at things from Sarah's point of view. Within two short years, she has lost her work, her friends, her health, her husband and her home. Is it any wonder that she tends to be grumpy and withdrawn?

Just like physical injuries need time to heal...so do emotional wounds. People who spend time grieving are doing what they need to heal their emotional wounds. The only "cure" for grief is to go through the grieving process. People must do this in their own way and at their own pace.

Grieving is hard work and can leave people physically and emotionally exhausted. In the end, the process of grieving encourages people to take charge of their own lives and to move forward.

Keep reading to learn more about the losses people face as they age, the different ways these losses can affect people and what you can do to help.

The Loss of Youth

As people lose their youth, they may start to realize that their days on earth are growing short. Some people react to this by considering every day to be precious. They work hard to live each day to the fullest. Others react by becoming depressed and by giving up their youthful hopes and dreams.

What You Can Do to Help

• If you have negative feelings about getting older, don't let them show during your work with your clients.


• Help your clients focus on the things they are still able to do, rather than dwelling on the things they can't do anymore.


• Talk to your clients about current events, such as politics, music and movies. Keeping up with the times helps people stay "young at heart".

The Loss of Family & Friends

As people age, it's common for them to lose a number of loved ones. They must face the deaths of their parents, their siblings and their friends. However, it's not always death that takes away family and friends. Longtime friends may move away-to retirement homes or nursing facilities. Children and grandchildren may also move. But no matter what the cause, the result is the same: older people feel they have lost their loved ones.

People who have lost friends and/or family members may feel unloved and unappreciated. They are at risk for depression.

What You Can Do to Help

• Don't dismiss the grief that older people feel when they lose their parents. For example, if your 75-year-old client loses her 95-year-old mother, her grief may run very deep. Encourage her to talk about her feelings and reminisce about her childhood.


• Remember that social connections are important for seniors. You can help by encouraging them to talk or write to friends and family members on a regular basis. And remember...it's never too late to make new friends.

The Loss of Work

Some people look forward to retiring at age 65. Others keep on working well past retirement age. However, even people who are looking forward to retirement feel some grief over the loss of work. Older people may feel pain over losing their daily schedule. They miss having someplace to go every day.

Many people take pleasure in being productive. A large part of their identity comes from their work-whether they are paid for it or not. If they lose the ability to be productive, they may feel worthless. They may start to think, "I am no good to anybody...I'm just taking up space."

What You Can Do to Help

• Remember that the goal for most seniors is to fill their time in a rewarding way-rather than to have each day drag on with no purpose. So, help your clients find a variety of interesting and fun ways to pass their time.


• Help your clients feel valuable by recognizing the knowledge and wisdom they have gained through the years. For example, ask for their opinion on a current event or on an issue such as how to invest money or discipline a child.

The Loss of a Spouse

Losing a spouse, especially after a long term marriage, can be especially devastating. With the death of a spouse, many people lose their best friend, their confidante and their sexual partner. Every area of life is affected.

As married couples age, they usually hope to grow old together, but death often interrupts these plans. Most people live out their final years alone-especially women. (Among senior citizens, over half the women are widows. Only 13% of men have lost their wives.)

What You Can Do to Help

• Encourage your client to share some special memories of their spouse with you.


• Avoid offering false comfort such as, "You'll get over it some day." or "It was for the best." It's better to say nothing at all than to use "clich矇s" like these.


• Ask your supervisor is there is a support group that might help your grieving client.

The Loss of Health

As people age, they can experience a loss of health in a number of different ways. It can be a gradual process...slowly losing eyesight, hearing, muscle strength or memory. Or the loss of health can be a dramatic process...a sudden heart attack, stroke or tumor.

Some people react to a loss of health by denying that they have any problems. They continue with unhealthy habits such as eating too much, drinking too much and smoking cigarettes. Their attitude is, "Well, I'm going to die anyway...might as well do what I want."

Other people react to a loss of health by getting angry. They feel betrayed by their bodies and "cheated" out of a healthy future. Still others react by focusing on every little ache and pain. Their reaction is based on fear. They anxiously wait for the next health problem to appear-and they look for death around every corner.

What You Can Do to Help

• Help your clients maintain their health as much as possible by eating a healthy diet, quitting smoking and avoiding too much alcohol.


• Because chronic pain can be a problem in the elderly, learn all you can about pain management.


• Be patient with elderly clients who are dealing with chronic illnesses. It may sound to you like they are constantly complaining about their health, but would you trade places with them...even for just one day?

The Loss of Independence

Many elderly people can still function on their own-they just take longer! Others may only need help for certain tasks like shopping for groceries or balancing their checkbooks. And, some seniors need help with basic everyday activities, such as bathing, grooming and dressing. Losing the ability to perform their own personal care can make your clients feel like children again. This can be difficult for many people to accept.

People who feel as if they have no control over their own lives may lose self-esteem. They may also become depressed and uninterested in doing anything for themselves.

What You Can Do to Help

• Allow your elderly clients to make as many of their own decisions as possible. This allows them to feel "in control" and may keep them from becoming more and more dependent on you.


• Enhance your clients' sense of purpose by giving them a responsibility: caring for a potted plant, straightening their room or folding their laundry.


• Above all, treat your clients with respect and dignity!

Remember...You'll Be Old One Day, Too!

As you work with elderly clients, do your best to maintain your patience and your sense of compassion. Your clients deserve it! Here's a little reminder, from a poem by Shel Silverstein.

Said the little boy, "Sometimes I drop my spoon."

Said the old man, "I do that too."

The little boy whispered, "I wet my pants."

"I do that too," laughed the old man.

Said the little boy, "I often cry."

The old man nodded, "So do I."

"But worst of all," said the boy, "it seems grown-ups don't pay attention to me."

And he felt the warmth of a wrinkled old hand.

"I know what you mean, " said the old man.