Domestic Abuse - It's Not Your Fault

Domestic abuse is more widespread than many people would like to admit. Have you noticed how your neighbor had her face covered after last night's row? But, before going further I would like to correct a popular misconception. Men are also victims of the violence. Sadly men inflict more physical injuries on their partners than there women but a majority of the violence is give-and-take. Intimate partner violence and spousal abuse are commonly used to describe situations involving domestic abuse. Also the abuse can be non-physical through acts of mental and emotional torture, intimidation and control.

Domestic abuse is a serious issue that there are government-funded programs that aim, to assist the victims and the perpetrators. There are support groups, call lines, social programs that are there to help. These allow both parties to come to terms with what has happened and give them the support as they embark on rebuilding their lives. So recognize that you need help and contact someone. These people are professional and will always maintain the details you supplied with confidentiality.

Domestic abuse also has a history of being cyclic. The couple will reconcile, and then over a period the tension will build before it is allowed out in an act of abuse. Also there are many explanations as to why people are driven to abuse their partner. Stress, childhood experience, the need to be in control and mental illness have been attributed among the reasons for the abuse.

People need to first come to terms with the fact that abuse is occurring. Many times the victim is in denial and try to explain away the physical signs - "I fell and hit my hand".
Many signs exist that can point to an abusive relationship. A fear of the partner is the most obvious one. If you are inclined to tread very carefully around him/her and you are constantly careful about what you say and do to prevent an explosion you should admit that you are in a relationship that is unhealthy and abusive. A partner that belittles you and tries to organize every aspect of your life also point to signs of danger. Some of these things may seem harmless but domestic abuse is known to spiral up from simple verbal intimidation and yelling to physical assault.

Also one of the most common and misguided conceptions among the victims is that "I am at fault. He\she was only trying to show me my mistake". No. No action on your part justifies the abuse. It may true as told about the violence being reciprocal, but refrain from accepting you are to blame. It is the other party that is doing the abusing, so it is clearly their fault.

Once you recognize you need help - please contact the above organizations. On rare occasions both partners are known to visit such a program for help together, though sadly it was precipitated by a serious event, causing both parties to recognize that they need help to keep the good things going.

Remember domestic abuse is something that can and should be overcome.