Be proactive.
Don't wait until Mom is lying in a hospital bed to start thinking about finding a good elder care solution-by then the family will be in crisis mode, making it hard for even the most reasonable people to make informed decisions. Decisions made under crisis circumstances are usually bad, expensive or both.
The best time to create a caring for aging parent plan is before a senior parent becomes ill or unable to make decisions. Start by scheduling a family meeting. Invite your parents as well as your siblings and other family members who might help with your parent's care.
Don't let distance prevent family members from contributing to an elder care solution. By using a video conferencing system, like Skype, loved ones across the globe can participate-you just need a web camera, an internet connection, and web-savvy teenager to set it all up.
Name a facilitator.
Help an elder care solution meeting run more smoothly by naming an objective family member to help direct communication. Ideally, your elderly parent will be able to take on the role, but it can be filled by any appropriate member of the family. If you know your family won't be able to meet effectively on its own, consider an outside facilitator. Ask your local agency on aging if they can recommend a geriatric care manager to run the meeting.
Identify needs.
Make a list of everything that needs to be done to help Dad live a life that's as full and healthy as possible. To make the process easier, divide caring for aging parent tasks into time periods. Start by identifying what he needs help with everyday: shaving, preparing meals, and so on. Next, figure out what needs to be done weekly: bill payments, bank deposits, grocery shopping, etc.
As you identify an elder care solution need, write it down. While old-school pen and paper works well, consider using a white board, which can be found at any office supply store, to write down tasks so everyone at the meeting can easily see them.
Ask for help.
Once you've identified what needs to be done when caring for aging parents, it's time to figure out who's going to do it. If a nursing home or assisted living facility just isn't right for your loved one, you may need to appoint a primary caregiver.
Although one person might take on the responsibility for 24/7 care, it's important to ask every family member to contribute in some way. Pair a family member with a task that uses their expertise. A sister with medical training can help translate medical-ese into language you and your family can understand. Even teens can help by doing chores like mowing the lawn or trimming hedges.
Be realistic in your expectations when asking family to contribute to an elder care solution. If your sister is allergic to cats, don't expect her to change litter boxes for Dad's furry friend. Likewise a brother with a special needs child might not be able to care for provide full time care for Mom.
Make sure to recognize elder care solution needs your family may not be able to take care of. However, don't assume Dad will need to live in a nursing facility if you can't provide all the care he needs. For example, if Dad is recuperating from a stroke, consider hiring an outside health care professional.
Meet on a regular basis.
Because caring for aging parents is, in many cases, a long-term commitment, be sure to meet regularly. Find an elder care solution meeting schedule that works best for your family-maybe it's monthly or twice yearly. This gives you the chance to address new needs. For example, maybe Mom's recent stroke left her unable to do the most basic personal care tasks.
It's also a good time to re-evaluate caring for aging parent roles. A granddaughter who enrolls in college might not have as much time to spend weeding Grandma's veggie garden. You might need to assess if another family member can take on the task or if you need to ask Grandma to scale back on the number of prized tomatoes she plants.
Finding an elder care solution is not usually the preferred topic at family gatherings-after all, it's easier to gossip about that girl you and your siblings graduated with. You do, however, owe it to your family and to parents to set aside time to thoughtfully consider how you will be caring for aging parents.
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