Making the Transition to a Senior Care Facility: Convincing Mom and Dad to Move

The discussion about making the transition to a senior care facility is a delicate and difficult subject to bring up to aging parents. Stella Henry, R.N., author of The Eldercare Handbook, advises that the best way to avoid the awkwardness and possible conflict is by talking about the future, and what the future holds.

According to Henry, shaping the discussion around the future and what it holds takes the pressure away from aging parents, by making the issue seem like it is your problem, rather than your parents'. Expressing sincere concern for your parents' health and well-being, as well as stating that it worries you to see them not get the assistance they may need is better than flat out telling your parents that they have to move. Most seniors do not want to burden or scare their children, which is why many aging parents avoid initiating the conversation. Henry advises that showing the elderly parents that you care and want to be their advocate will take the pressure off and make the subject much easier to discuss.

Many retirement homes and other senior living facilities welcome their potential residents to come and stay for up to a week, to try the facility for free, to get a feel of what the environment is like before making a commitment. Barry Jacobs PhD, counsellor and author of The Emotional Survival Guide for Caregivers states that most of people are more likely to change their mind about a situation when it's their own choice to do so; but should one be feel under pressure to make a major life change, the move seems scary and dangerous, so one is likely to resist regardless of how good the idea may appear to someone else.

Should the senior parent flat out refuse to move, it's best to temporarily back off, but not give up completely. The subject should be brought up again, gently, when a good opportunity arises. If the parents is now more receptive - or curious - about the idea, don't wait to arrange a few visits to assisted living facilities or senior homes, and - if need be - suggest to your parents that it would mean a lot if they would simply 'humor' you by visiting together.

Care giving is a family affair, argues Henry, and for this reason it's important to discuss this issue as a whole family, but in absence of the aging parent, at first. Financial and power of attorney issues should be resolved, the family needs to pick a member responsible for making medical decisions, as well as the advocate for the elderly parent. Experts agree that all family members should be in agreement on care giving decisions for the elderly, and that all support should be provided from a united standpoint.

In some cases, a single uncooperative family member can make the whole process very difficult, even more so if the elderly parent picks up their negative vibe. There are counselling sessions available for families who want to overcome these issues; psychologists help families to leave old hurts aside and to focus on coming together in order to make the best possible decision for their elderly. In all cases, it's the well-being and health of the aging parent that should be the priority at this important and difficult time of transition.