Discussing Elder Care With a Senior

When it comes time to decide on elder care arrangements for you or your loved one, it's best to get the family involved in the process. Besides giving advice and understanding the situation, they can also provide moral support to the individual who is moving. Family meetings give everyone a chance to get together to air thoughts and share information.

Calling a Family Meeting

If you or a loved one has concerns about an elderly family member, it is time to call a family meeting to discuss his or her situation and future. The best time to call a family meeting is before the situation turns critical and quick decisions must be made. The aging individual has more input at this stage and more options available in terms of elder care. It's smart to put a plan in place even if it is not immediately needed. Hold a family meeting when:

• There a decline in health


• Finances are a concern


• There is medical emergency


• The primary caregiver needs help


• The aging individual asks for help


• There are concerns about him or her living alone

Who Should Attend?

It doesn't matter who calls the family meeting. It could be a caregiver who provides day-to-day support, or an adult child who lives out-of-town and wants an update about what's going on. The importance is communication and making sure that everyone involved is on the same page so that there are no misunderstandings in the end.

Family meetings typically include adult children or grandchildren, siblings, and other close family members or caregivers affected by the situation. Depending on the elderly individual's current physical and emotional being, he or she may attend the family meeting. However, these meetings are for family members to speak candidly about the elderly relative. Therefore, you may not want him or her to attend as to avoid hurting feelings or being offended. Typically, after an initial plan is in place, the affected individual joins the meeting.

What Should Be Discussed

Whoever plans the meeting, should make up an agenda of concerns that can include:

• Information about the individual's health


• Feelings about the situation


• Daily care giving needs (in-homecare vs. assisted living)


• Financial concerns


• Who will make all decisions or given power of attorney


• What roles do family members want to take

Schedule subsequent meetings if all the topics aren't covered. Follow-up meetings are also good to discuss how things are going at that time.